Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
