did you get engaged???
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
