Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
