so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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