Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
