OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
