Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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