Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
