If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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