Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
