drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
