Can i not drive my cunt home
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
