What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
