So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
