I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
