There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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