My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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