I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
