I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
