I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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