did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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