are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
