i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
