Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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