She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I did not marry a roomba.
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