so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
