This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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