Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
