when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
