Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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