i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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