I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
