Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
