i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He passed out mid-signature
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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