Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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