No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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