i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
