but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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