Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
