Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's never too late to be topless.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
