And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize