You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize