Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
