I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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