grandma shit on top of the toilet
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
