Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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