Betty ford says i'm here all night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
