new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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