he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
