I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
