You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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