you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
