So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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