Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
