At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize