thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
