wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
