I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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