i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
