i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize