Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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