life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
