please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize