I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just google imaged poop.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize