I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
